Wishing for the Never
by Kaoru Gal
Summary: I almost laugh at myself. Even if I did learn her name, even if she did come to love me, I still couldn’t be with her. Because I’m Kenshin Himura, Battousai, a killer. I’m simply wishing for the never. ON HOLD
1. Chapter 1

**Wishing for the Never**

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin, but I do own this idea! –Cheers-

Joh: Just thought I'd make a cute one-shot for Kenshin.

0o0o0

I yawned and leaned back in the chair. Boring. This week had been boring.

With one hand I brushed my long red bangs out of my eyes and cast a blank look around at the small coffee shop. What was I doing here? I certainly had better things to do then spend my time idling away at a second rate store.

Of course, the answer to that question was simple and obvious when you really thought about it.

I allowed my gaze to sweep back over to the teenager working at the counter. Her long black hair was tied back in a high ponytail, waves of luxurious locks falling down her back to rest at her slender hips.

Creamy pale skin contrasted with the dark hair framing her heart shaped face, bright blue eyes were focused on the customer at hand, and dark lashes framing them.

I quickly looked away back at my coffee and half eaten Danish when she felt my stare and turned. After a minute of breathless waiting I stole another glance.

She was handing a mug of coffee to a man and their hands briefly touched, sending a flare of jealousy up my spine.

This was silly. Especially for me.

You see, I'm not the type of person who wastes time like this, watching a girl I don't even know the name of. I'm the kind of man who eats five course meals every night, goes home after work to a mansion, falls asleep in a king sized bed.

I'm the kind of man who kills.

Yes, that's right. You heard me correctly. I kill. That's my job. I'm an assassin, and I'm damn good at it.

But do killers like me watch gentle girls who work under wage every afternoon? No. And yet, here I am.

As I said before, it is quite silly.

My eyes soften to a mellow violet color as I watch her lean back on the heels of her feet, blowing a strand of hair out of her face.

She's beautiful.

As each day passes I find her more and more breathtaking. From the way she smiles so easily, to the way her eyes flash when she has to deal with a fussy customer.

I want it all…

But no.

It's just a wish.

I smile grimly to myself and drain my cup, throat burning from the hot liquid. But I don't care. Just knowing I could never be with her, never hold her hurts me enough.

I get up to throw my trash away and realize she's watching me with slight interest. Of course, it's nothing compared to my fascination of her.

I turn after chucking the empty cup and our eyes meet.

The world didn't stop, the tumultuous noise doesn't fade away, our eyes simply greet each other, and then she looks away, seeing me as just another man.

I go back to my seat by the window and stare at my Danish. I almost laugh at myself. Even I did learn her name, even if she did come to love me, I still couldn't be with her.

Because I'm Kenshin Himura, Battousai.

I'm simply wishing for the never.

0o0o0

Joh: How was that? I know it's short, but that was all there was to say.

Review please.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wishing for the Never**

Joh: I figured since so many of you wanted me to continue this I might as well…but I do have a ridiculous amount of multi-chapter stories so don't get mad at slow updates. And I have school, and I have an annoying parent who tries to keep me from writing.

Now that you know that I shall stop my ranting and continue with the chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin!

Warnings: language

0o0o0

This is kind of annoying me. You see, I have the bitchiest boss in the world. Of course, you're probably thinking, eh well don't we all, right? Hah. This woman is crazy! Here I am at this coffee shop at 10:00 in the night.

I have homework I need to get to! I'm only 15 but I have to work to pay for my little sister and me. My mom passed away when I was younger and my dad is always at his girlfriend's house. So I'm stuck in our crappy apartment taking care of my 14-year-old sister.

Don't get my wrong I love her! We've always been there for each other and always will. It's just hard to find time for her and school and work. You know?

I drum my fingers against the smooth surface of the counter while eyeing the empty shop. No wait, scratch that, there's still one customer.

My blue eyes narrow as I take him in. Long red hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and a slender if not short frame. I lean over the counter to try and look at his face. Hasn't he been here all day?

I fiddle with the hem of my dark blue shirt and hum a song to myself. "Megumi, can't we close up now?" I turn and swing open the door that says 'EMPLOYERS ONLY'.

"5 more minutes Kamiya." She snaps back, looking up at me from her papers.

I groan and hit my head against the wall.

A soft chuckle stops me from continuing my actions and I turn to see the man laughing softly to himself. Weirdo.

"Um, excuse me sir but we're closing up soon." I say politely as I can, putting a smile on.

He glances at me with honey colored eyes and smiles strangely. It was like he wasn't smiling at me, but to himself.

"I see." He says softly getting up and putting on his black coat. I watch with mild interest before looking away.

I hear his footsteps against the smooth floor and the chime of the bell as he opens the door into the night.

"Good night." I say quickly, almost forgetting manners.

He pauses then smiles oddly again. "Wouldn't that be nice?" he replies, more to himself than to me.

I raise my eyebrows but he's already gone. I certainly meet strange people in this job. "No one's here Megumi! I'm leaving!" I shout, slipping into the back room to grab my bag and coat.

She glares at me with her dark slanted eyes. "I'll be seeing you tomorrow brat."

I stick out my tongue and flip her the bird. It's okay. She may be the queen of bitches but she gave me this job, even though I'm not old enough to legally work. She knew my situation and offered me the job as a friend. But just because we're friends doesn't mean she gives me any other special treatment.

I pull my long coat on as I walk out the door; swing my bag over my shoulder. "Damn it's cold." I mutter to myself.

Yeah, so I have a tendency to curse. You got a problem with that? No, didn't think so.

I reach into my pocket to finger my cell phone for a moment before taking it out of my Jean's pocket and flipping it open. With slender fingers I punched in my house number quickly then hold it up to my ear, still walking purposely forward.

"Hello?" My sister's perky voice rang through the cell.

"Misao, have you started dinner?"

"Uh…yeah?" she giggles nervously.

I sigh. "I take that as a no."

Misao laughs again. I can picture her so clearly, sitting on the wooden stool by the phone, swinging her legs nervously and twirling the phone cord in her fingers with that wide anxious smile on her face. "There's plenty of ramen." She suggests.

"Yeah, yeah. Surprisingly I'm getting sick of it." I comment dryly, stopping at the corner waiting for a red light.

"Oh well, you'll live." She hums happily for a moment. "How was work?"

"Boring, boring, boring." I groan.

"That's too bad. See you soon, 'Kay sis?"

"Yeah whatever." I fold my cell up and stuff it back into my pocket. I watch cars fly by, highlighting the night with their headlights.

I know I probably sound cynical about life but here it is, life is boring. Flat out boring. I wake up, eat, go to school, go to work, then go home and start all over again. I'm not sure what I want, but it's not this.

I want something different, something to break me out of this repeating lifestyle. It's been this way ever since the absence of my parents.

God I hate them. Well no, that's not true. I love my mom; she didn't want to leave us. She didn't want to die. But my father, if I can still call him that, left.

I stride across the street once the red light flashes and all the cars stop. Misao misses him; I'm not sure how she could miss a bastard like that. But it's her feelings not mine.

I walk down a row of tall buildings and stop at one that was nearly completely dark. I look up and see my younger sister waving to me from the small balcony of our apartment. I wave back before entering the building, shuffling past the lobby.

0o0

"Kaoru!" Misao screeches, flinging open the door to hug me.

I stumble back and can't help but laugh. "Don't be so loud, you'll wake everyone up." I scold her playfully, pushing her away so that I can walk in.

I drop my bag and coat on the floor, not caring to hang them up. Everyone thinks girls are just so neat. Not. Maybe moms are, but teenage girls? Hell no.

I kicked aside a pile of magazines and made my way into the kitchen part of the room.

Our apartment wasn't large but it wasn't dreadfully small either. The living room and kitchen were combined making it seem even more cluttered then all the other rooms. There were two bedrooms and one bathroom.

It used to be crowded when dad still lived with us, Misao and I shared a room, but now we had separate rooms, nice right?

And what of my mother? When she was around we had lived in a house. A nice house with a red roof and a blue door, complete with a small garden in the back. I remember my room had lavender walls and jasmine flowers in a vase that my mom put up.

I'm getting caught up in memories again.

"Oh, I made us ramen!" Misao chirps, scrambling in front of me into the kitchen corner to grab two containers from the counter. I took one gratefully and plopped down on the sofa with a groan.

I cast a sideways glance at my sister when she slid into the sofa next to me, sipping up the noodles. "Don't you hate the taste yet?"

She shook her head and continued to eat. "It's good." She said through a mouthful. I roll my eyes.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." I chide.

She shrugs her shoulders and leans back, kicking a notebook off the couch onto floor. She bent down and rummaged under the cushions for the remote control to the T.V. With a smile on her face she straightens and flips the T.V onto a news station.

I turn to her and scowl. "You know I hate this shit."

"Shut up, I'm listening." She snarls back, turning up the volume.

I glower at her before studying the news topic. The reason why I hate News is because it's the same boring crap every day. Death, murder, fire, rape, and abduction…the list goes on and on.

I wipe my mouth and glare at the man reporting an assassination of some businessman and several murders of witnesses to the event. How the hell can he look so calm and nonchalant about this? The reporter says all this with that blank expression on his face. Maybe he's become bored of this too.

Assholes.

I chuck my ramen out the open window into the dirty streets below. I can feel Misao's glare on me but I ignore it and get up, stretching my arms above my head. "I've lost my appetite. Night."

She sighs. "Night."

I walk into the narrow hallway breaking off of the living/kitchen room and slide open the door to my room. It was small and cramped with books, papers, journals, sketchpads, purses, and other such crap. I kick my stuff off my blue futon that I never bother putting away and curl up in it.

I sleep in my clothes, ain't that a kicker? I mean, what's the point of pajamas? It's a waste of money in my opinion, but then that's just me.

I pull my pillow over my head when I hear sirens outside.

Once again I'm wishing for something different. Some kind of change. But let's face it, that's never going to happen.

I'm simply wishing for the never.

0o0o0

Joh: Eh, maybe I should have kept it a one-shot. Who knows? Kaoru has quite a mouth, doesn't she? I just thought if she were a girl born today she would have a dirty mouth. She's spunky like that, you know?

I had some really in depth reviews. You know I like it like that. –Wink-

Hanabi jou  
Thank you! You got your wish, I shall continue!

Aaliyah Higurashi Reborn  
I'd be creeped out if I discovered someone secretly admired me like that 0.0

Rurouni-maxi  
Haha, next chapter will be in Kenshin's point of view again. I like his better then Kaoru's for some reason.

truthfulies  
I like bitter sweet things, you know?

AnimeSiren  
I love Battousai fictions!

ali-chan229  
You actually read one of my stories!

skenshingumi  
Thanks for the nice review. I think it may be a short story, but I don't know.

inuwolf04  
I'm a teaser! Haha!

A Piece of My Heart  
I loved your review! It was so nice and in depth. It made me feel like you really liked my story! I hope you can enjoy Kaoru's POV

LilyBlaze  
Thank you very liking it!

Anonymous but very interest...  
Ah, thank you so much! I love reading long reviews, it was nice! I'll work on Deep Sea too, don't worry.

forever angel  
Your welcome! Haha!

kiwismakemehappy  
Does adding another chapter count as a sequal?

The evil witch  
Thank you, this one-shot seemed to liked so…

Clorinda  
Gorgeous is a simple yet deep adjective. Maybe it does justice for this fiction. Haha I'm so arrogant.

Valaroma  
Yeah, Kaoru won't mind him being a killer, maybe…

kenjiniki  
Yay! I granted your wish! -bows-

Kenshin Fan  
It continued1 now give me a cookie! -laughs-

happyloveygirl  
Haha! Kenshin and Kaoru are so different in this story it will be hard to get them to fall in love –ponders-

Reignashii  
It will be entertaining to see them get together, wouldn't it?

crasyducky  
I like getting to the point, I'm just blunt that way. Haha!

Royal blueKitsune  
I get chocolate? -Perks up-

Lynk89  
Ah, a new face I see! Welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

**Wishing for the Never**

Disclaimer: Don't own it so nyah.

Joh: I didn't think I was gonna update this but I did! So sorry I took like…months and months to update this! -bows- Please forgive me! I'll cut the crap and start the chapter. No one wants to read about my insane rambles anyway. –Cackles-

Warnings: Slight language

Note: Kaoru is 15 and Battousai is 17…and yes I know their age difference is a lot…bigger in the anime but I choose to ignore that.

0o0o0o0o0

It's raining.

I love the rain. I love the way the small droplets feel as they trail down your cheek, cooling down your skin. The smell it can leave behind once it stops.

The sin it can wash away.

I close my eyes and let my arms hang at my sides, ignoring the shivers slipping through my body. My long hair is plastered to my back and face, looking more brown than red because it was so wet.

The soft rhythmic sound of drizzling rain fills my ears as I slump my shoulders and lean against the wall. I'm not sure what I'm doing…my more sensible side is telling me to hurry home and dry off so that on my next assignment I won't be sick. But I don't move.

The girl wasn't in the café today and I wanted to see if she would make an appearance at all. Maybe she was sick…but she had seemed fine yesterday.

I frown at the thought of her sick. If she _is _sick then I won't be able to see her for a few days. Her blue eyes, her small smile, her frown, her lips…

A great longing fills me when I think of her. A longing so terrible, so heartbreaking, that I almost wince in pain. Why do I torture myself like this? Every day I come here to get a glimpse of her, and every time I do I can't help but despair. What's wrong with me?

Well…the answer to that is actually quite simple. Everything. I don't deserve to know her, it would be shameful on my part to try and worm my way into her life. I would taint her…ruin her. She's too good for that, too good for me.

Yet…here I am, waiting outside the store's entrance to see if she'll arrive at work. Standing in the rain waiting for someone who doesn't even know my name, how pathetic. Then again, not many do know my name.

"Are you okay?"

I open my eyes and sigh. She's standing right in front of me, watching me with questioning eyes.

She's so close…but…

I force a small smile. "Perfect." I don't lie. She _is _perfect.

The girl raises an eyebrow and sets her hands on her hips. "You gonna stay out here in the rain or what?"

I stare at her, unsure of how to answer that. I really should be going home now, but I honestly don't want to leave, not when she's actually talking to me. Looking at me, acknowledging my presence.

When I don't answer right away she frowns and pulls her thin coat tighter around her body. "Okay…you can stay out here if you really want to…but it's a hell lot warmer inside." She jerks her head towards the café.

"I guess it is." I say softly. Work can wait.

She gives me a weird look before moving ahead of me and opening the door. I step into the small shop and take a seat at the table I usually sit in. My eyes are glued to her as she makes her way through the tables and hops over the counter. One of the workers scowls and tells her to use the gate. She ignores him and brushes past him, disappearing behind the STAFF ONLY door.

The smile fades from my lips and I turn my attention to the dusty shop window. I can see my blurry reflection in the glass, obscured slightly by the droplets of rain.

The café is quieter than usual today; only two other customers are lounging about sipping coffee and reading damp newspapers.

I sigh again, remembering the work I have to do. Katsura wanted me to meet with him today to talk about my next assignment. Apparently my next job is a big shot guy.

I hope he is. Lately I've been getting small jobs. I got into this kind of business to make a difference, to try and wipe out the people who had corrupted our government.

"What can I get ya'?" a voice drawled.

I look up and relief fills me. The blue-eyed girl is leaning against my table, chewing noisily on a stick of gum. "Coffee."

"That it?"

I nod, watching her lips move.

When she doesn't move away to make my order I realize that she's frowning at me. "You don't talk much, do you?"

I blink at her, too surprised by her question to think of an answer.

She popped her gum and rolled her eyes, pulling out the seat sitting opposite me. "I noticed you come here a lot and you're always real quiet, like you answer questions with one word sentences." She rests her elbows on the table and props her chin in her hands, gazing at me with those disturbingly clear eyes.

I shrug. I've always made an effort _not _to talk to her.

She laughs. An amazing beautiful sound. "See what I mean?" She pauses and stares at me thoughtfully. She looks up at the clock hanging on the peach colored walls and turns back to me. "Well, since we don't have much business right now, I'm free to talk to you. Try and get a few words out of you, if possible."

Nodding, I stare at her hands. The nails are chipped and dirty, but they still seem delicate somehow. To me anyway.

"I guess I'll start the conversation then." She crosses her legs and leans back into the seat, making herself comfortable. "I like it best when the store is real quiet like this, you know? It's always like this on rainy days because no ones really out walking around. Sometimes it gets so quiet in here you can hear that clock over there ticking. I like the sound. It's really soothing, like a heartbeat."

I stare at her, loving the sound of her voice.

"I hate it when there's a lot of people here. Not only do I have to do more work but it can get so damn loud in here I can't even hear myself think!" she ran a hand through her dark hair before laughing dryly. "I feel like I'm talking to a wall."

"I'm sorry."

She stares at me, blinking several times. "Hey! You said more than one word! Two this time, you're improving." She got up, stretching her arms over her head. "Okay I'll stop bugging you now. You probably want me to shut up so you can get your coffee."

I want to tell her I'd listen to her talk all day if she wanted to, but I restrain myself.

She turns then stops, tilting her head in my direction. "Oh, and my name's Kaoru by the way. Not that you care." She laughs again, almost bitterly this time.

I actually laugh at this, but for a different reason.

Kaoru. I'll remember that.

0o0o0o0oo0

Joh: Pretty uneventful. Don't worry, it starts off slow but once I get this story rolling more action will be happening.

Thank you so much for the amazing reviews!


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